Jealous

I'm jealous of your love
Jealous of how your love runs so deep to forgive over and over again
Jealous of how your love has no end
You love me no more nor less regardless of what I do
I'm jealous of your love
Jealous of how you blessed the ones that sinned against you and cursed your name
I gave up my life for your people just to get hurt again
My soul has cried; my love has died
My trust in you is no longer alive
I hurt, I bled, I blessed your name, now let me be
I want to toss your Word far from me
Because the words I once believed caused more hurt and pain than sin ever did to me
The cost of living, the cost of life
The cost of believing in your promises
Cost me a life
More suffering, sorrow, and regrets living "saved"
Than it ever was in my lust and greed
You stated that the price for sin was paid on the cross
Yet, I'm stuck, constantly in pain and torment because of what once was covered has risen again
If it was covered under the blood, why do You allow insight to your prophets to bring it up again?
As if the wound would never hurt again
As if the healing will overtake me this time around
When I strongly believed that I had been found
Saved, healed, and delivered by the blood
My faith found useless...
Unless of course, the ones you ordained have been dabbing in and out of sorcery
Believing the word of familiar spirits instead of actually hearing from you
As it never edified nor corrected me
There was no conviction simply condemnation
Making me feel as though I would never grow
As if I was wounded beyond what could be healed
Resurrecting hurt, pain, and confusion of the past
That was left and forgotten at the altar years ago
As you washed me, cleansed me, renewed me, and strengthened me
Jealous
I'm jealous of your love
Jealous of how your love runs so deep to forgive over and over again
Jealous of how your love has no end
You love me no more nor less regardless of what I do