If I Could Turn Back Time

If I could turn back time, stop, and rewind

I would love myself more, I would love myself first

Nothing in life remains forever, no one in life remains the same over time

All things change, including the seasons, the reasons, our skin, brains, and circumstances

Our hearts change, our minds, preferences , desires, rank, and abilities evolve

Over time, overtime, over lifespans, over mind

Those dreams that I held as an infant, a child, a teen, a young adult

Quickly modified with every year, age, category, and season

Wisdom I gained, wisdom I lost, wisdom I seek, wisdom it costs

It costs to love someone unconditionally, forgiving, and compromising

It costs to keep your head up when all around you things are falling and being destroyed 

It costs to stand boldly at the throne of the majesty and defend your actions

It costs to speak up for those in need

It costs to step back, remove yourself, and take heed

It costs to deny yourself and say no to the next best seen opportunity

It costs to surrender all 

It costs to say no to God

It costs to say yes to God

It costs to win

It costs to lose

It costs to sin

It costs to get in

Everything has a price, but are you willing to pay and accept what is tied to it, every challenge, every word, every consequence, every right, every expectation, every vow

If I could turn back time, stop, and rewind

I would love myself more, I would love myself first

I would not compromise to be loved, to be held, to be cared for

I would not accept flattery nor expensive gifts in exchange for my soul

I would not believe the lies that the men and women have shared to keep me bound

I would carefully consider my image, my mind, and my sound

My voice, what I projected, I once stood for

But in crept the counterfeits and I was desperate to be loved, to be held

So I opened the ever revolving door

Door to pain, door to lust, door to compromise, door to lies, door to sex, door to death

Door to greed, door to anxiety, door to depression, door to anger, door to suicide ideation

Door to hopelessness, door to falsehood, door to narcissism, door to pride, door to avoidance

Demon after demon, all due to boredom and the need to be accepted and valued

If I could turn back time, I would certainly press stop and rewind

I would not compromise because the world said so

I would not have shared my virtue with a demonic soul

I would have listened to the still small voice and the gut feeling

I would have said no and walked away

I would have spared myself, my soul another day

It wasn't worth it, no, not at all

Deep regret, deep pain and remorse, sorrow

It wasn't all on my own, guidance and advice, I followed, but we were all wrong

Life is a never-ending cycle filled with love, hate, life, death, sadness, joy, pain, success, sorrow

If I could spare the seed, I'll spare the life

If only I could turn back time, stop, and press rewind

7/21/2025