Her BlackPeopleMeet.com Experience

Her BlackPeopleMeet.com Experience

Where shall I begin? Hmmm, well I relocated to the Atlanta area in the month of April 2017 following my college graduation. I had great hopes for the city, my career, and my love life. I was euphoric about the new upcoming opportunities that I would soon be exposed to. Little did I know my job would take up majority of my life. I was scheduled to work nearly every weekend after my 3^rd week of being hired; and it was either a 7am – 3:30pm or 3pm – 11:30 pm shift. My social life and hopes for a healthy relationship quickly became a figment of my imagination; yet I survived. Dating was basically nonexistent; as I was often prejudged and vice versa.

When “daddy” approached me, I always had an excuse to flee even if I was slightly interested. Atlanta is considered “Sugar Daddy Capital” in North America. Though I considered the lifestyle; I did not have the courage to surrender to it. I will admit that I created a Seeking Arrangement profile and explored it for nearly a week. When the messages and interests came in; I was greatly entertained yet disgusted. I shut it down shortly after. Like I stated; I did not have the audacity for it. The thought of a 50 + year old man’s lips brushing against my body, hands caressing my hips and thighs, and him possibly exposing himself to me made me want to vomit. I could not and cannot do it; unless of course I happen to marry a wise loyal elderly man with class, wealth, and vision.

I had always wondered if I was missing something or someone. I trusted God and His perfect timing; however, the questions lingered, “Did I possibly become distracted and miss what God had for me? Is God still preparing me for marriage? How much longer is the process going to take; it’s literally been 5 years? Why is there such a strong desire for marriage manifesting within me once again if I must continually wait? What if my husband is searching for me yet cannot find nor see me? Have I become the wife that I need to be; or is God still developing me and my character?”  

I possessed a strong desire for love… companionship… loyalty… accountability… a travel & prayer partner… my husband. BlackPeopleMeet.com was and currently is continuously airing commercials via radio and television; so I finally decided to give it a shot at the end of February 2018. Why not? They offered a 7-day free trial; and who knew what the future had in store for me? I dreamily thought, “What if I simply created a profile, made myself visible, and was found by my husband that way? What if this is God’s will for me?” Looking back, I was an extremely dreamy and hopeful romantic. Between me and you; I don’t think that God was really in this initially; however, God was able to utilize it for both His and my benefit. What do I mean? He received the glory and praise; and I received experience, favor, and a new perspective.

I thoroughly completed my profile and included a portion of the Dear Husband Part 1 poem that I had written months prior. It received a generous amount of great feedback and welcomed Dear Wife poems and letters from men who were seeking marriage through another source. Within moments, numerous flirts, messages, and interests overtook my inbox and picture. It was flattering yet overwhelming; so I took my precious time responding.

There was an older gentleman who was quite persistent within the area that I currently lived. He literally overtook my inbox with message upon message for the next few days; though I stopped responding after the 4^th or 5^th. He was an IT Professional, appeared to be a nice guy, was marriage minded, tall, brown-skinned, in his 30s with no kids, and a homeowner. He offered to take me on a date to Pappadeaux Seafood Restaurant; which is a nice establishment; yet I declined as I was not feeling well. Eve had returned unfortunately. He sent prayers that I would feel better soon and informed me that the offer was still available in the near future. He was so relentless even afterwards that he came off as being desperate. I considered him; yet the more and more I examined his pictures and the messages; I was simply not attracted to him nor his attire. Beauty is more than what meets the eye; it’s skin deep. Call me judgmental; maybe I was, but I refused to invest my time in someone I did not find of interest. I preferred not to utilize people for what they had nor for what I could gain from them if it wasn’t mutual. Karma is authentic.

There was another guy who was quite attractive yet far far away in an entirely different state. If he was within the area; I would have definitely linked up with him as we shared common interests and long-term goals. He sent me the following message which I held and hold close to my heart as a reminder: “Best profile that I’ve read in a really long time; the depth in your feelings clearly show. You sound like a saved and sanctified Erykah Badu, and whomever God has chosen for you is certainly a blessed man! Congrats in advance!” Though short and sweet; those kind words truly meant a lot to me.

The next interest had the personality of a comedian. He was hilariously entertaining! The first message came through as the following: “Hello, Ms. TOTAL BRIGHT LIL PACKAGE. My name is ______ but its _____ to you. You have a BIG GORGEOUS SMILE on your PRETTY FACE country SWEETNESS. Did the NEXT TOP MODEL with the SUCCULENT BOTTOM LIP enjoy signing autographs during lunch today in the frigid weather?” 😂🤣🤣 Because of this, I had to respond. It definitely caught my attention. Who does stuff like that? I assumed that he placed emphasis on the words that were capitalized. But then again; maybe it was a generic message. I’m unaware; but the conversation did not stop there. It was not serious and mostly for laughs though he extended his number. When he inquired of where I was from originally, I wrote, “Every area of Memphis as I moved often from childhood to adulthood.” He responded, “Am I conversing with a FUGITIVE? LOL” When I read this message; I died laughing. Fun times indeed.

Within three days, I had not been found by the one. Impatient? Yes, I was. I looked through a few profiles and sent two messages of interest to men that I found attractive. It felt very odd doing this; because it was backwards. He was created to do the searching; and she was created to be found. I was literally ashamed of myself; and decided that I would end the trial on the 5^th night. Over 75 messages and flirts continued to overcrowd my inbox; and I simply ceased to respond to the majority. It was overwhelming; and I loss interest.

I finalized my plans to completely deactivate my account on the 5^th of March. On the same morning as I was entering work, I received a new message. I viewed the picture; and the guy resembled the one that I had previously seen two days prior in a dream. He was light skinned, attractive with a slightly receding hairline, close to my height, and slightly older than me. A smile formed on my face. “This can’t be the same guy… but what if it is?” I thought. I viewed his profile which revealed that he sought a woman of substance who was ready to be loved and challenged. It caught my attention as I desired to know more. I decided to respond once I returned home from work; and he was quick to reply.

His initial message was rather simple; but since it was my final night on BlackPeopleMeet.com; I let it slide and asked him to describe himself, who he was, what he was looking for, his prayer life, and his identity in the Kingdom. The response to each question was rather charming and impressive.

It appeared that we had a lot in common especially our interests in the arts overall. We both enjoyed writing poetry; and he enjoyed performing spoken word. He found pleasure in acting as did I; though I had sat down on my gift in Atlanta. He believed in God and prayed often aloud while I prayed internally and externally. He didn’t smoke nor drink and enjoyed the beauty of nature walks, parks, and long rides. I personally loved to drink red wine and alcohol occasionally for both social purposes and my benefit. I absolutely adored the parks and waterfalls in Atlanta. We were also both very selective; so it appeared that we would be the best of friends if a relationship didn’t work out right? Wrong! 😅

As it was my final night on the site, he extended his number to continue talking. I decided to use it and  text him as he had my interest. We exchanged texts for a few days before he actually called to speak with me via phone. He was not in the city at the time; he was out of state visiting family. My initial reaction: Catfish! It was not; thank God because I would have been highly disappointed. He spoke with a professional northern accent, enounced his words very well, and held a captivating tone of voice. I was at the gym when he initially called me and was literally mesmerized by his voice. Yes, from his voice alone I crushed.

Within a week or so, he returned to the city. He decided that he wanted to meet me face-to-face at the last minute. I had just departed from work, had to get through the traffic, shower, find attire to wear, etc. It was a mess. By the time that I had finished it was later than expected and after 9PM. He invited me to meet him at his apartment as he had returned home. My initial reaction, “Hell no! Are you crazy? I don’t fully know you and vice versa.” I did not voice my reaction; however. I simply stated, “Ok, I’ll be leaving shortly; and I’ll call you in about 30 - 45 minutes.” What concerned me more than time was that his voice did not sound the same; the accent was no longer there. Should I trust him?

I stepped into my car and drove to the Buckhead area. He called me 2 or 3 times; and I would not answer. I was on the phone talking to a friend about how to handle the situation. I was afraid and uncomfortable with the entire arrangement; yet I was driving in his direction. He finally texted me, “Have a good night.” I felt terrible! I called him, apologized, and explained how uncomfortable I was meeting at night. It was dangerous. He initially thought that I had stood him up. After the explanation was extended, he fully understood and advised me not to worry; as he had sisters as well as a mom and had they have been in the same situation he would be greatly concerned. We conversed nearly an hour that night, shared stories, and laughs. It was nice and might I add the best way to break the ice.

On the following afternoon; he was in the area in which I lived and decided to meet me. When he called; I was in the shower… again! 😅 Awkward! The funny thing is that I was in the shower at least 3 or 4 times each time that he called me in the beginning of our short-lived friendship. He made corny jokes about me and my hygiene. Yes, I stayed clean and fresh. We decided to meet at a restaurant parking lot nearby less than 2 minutes from my apartment.

I arrived first; and he followed suit. He stepped out of his SUV; and I departed my Camry. This was the first time that I’d ever met someone online and then in person; so I was very observant and cautious. I carried pepper spray on my keys and a pocket knife in my wallet. The greeting was quite awkward; as he didn’t know whether to hug me or shake hands. While we spoke; he would not keep eye contact; so yes, I presumed that he was lying about something. His eyes were shifting all over the place: left to right, up and down. And no, he was not cockeyed nor cross-eyed. 😂 He resembled his pictures online; but the wrinkle over his forehead was much deeper in person. I decided that I could live with it if I had to especially since I carry a minor one of my own.

We soon departed for a long drive through the city of Atlanta. It was nearly a 2-hour drive; but as it was dark, the lights illuminated the sky, buildings, and neighborhoods. It was beautiful; and the drive was peaceful. He asked A LOT of questions; but I didn’t mind. They were relevant, thought-provoking, and personal questions. I held a lot of respect for him in a sense. He was quite intelligent, possessed vision for the future, rented an expensive place in an upscale neighborhood, owned his vehicle, and held a career in acting which was his passion. I honestly felt slightly intimidated by him; but I refused to convey it. He knew what he wanted and where he was going; and though I strongly desired marriage, I was slipping away and slowly losing myself daily.

The next encounter was intended to be a night out on the town; but he prepared dinner; and we stayed in. He was not a chef but created his specialty. It was cute; it really was. He prepared broccoli, mashed potatoes, and beef. I was a pescatarian at the time; so I consumed red wine and the veggies after heavily seasoning them. After we finished eating, we listened to jazz, conversed, hung over the balcony, and watched movies until midnight when I departed.

During the weeks following, we hung out and conversed more often. I invited him to indulge in the spa experience with me in Buckhead; and he loved it! As it was his first time; he preferred his privacy in a separate room; and they were able to accommodate us last minute. The massages, whirlpool, steam room, and sauna were breathtakingly amazing and relaxing. We both definitely needed it. He treated us to dinner afterwards at a restaurant nearby. The fish tacos were awesome!

We spent time together conversing in parks, enjoying the views, and overlooking the waters. He was definitely very focused on doing more than being. We discussed biblical views, faith, doing our part yet trusting God quite often. We each held opposing views provided by reason and personal experiences. In certain ways, he played the devils advocate with his beliefs to challenge me. I stood my ground and responded accordingly.

Within a short timespan, I began to lose myself as I was moving into a season of transition. I was lost spiritually and was not sure of what I wanted nor exactly what God wanted from me. My prayer life began to diminish; yet I sought to perceive what God was doing. I realized that I was not ready for marriage and that if this guy was the one then he would need to lead. I was more than willing to surrender; because I was afraid and in need of direction. I did not desire to miss a divine opportunity if it was to present itself. I wanted to be in alignment with the will of God and though I could not feel His presence nor hear His voice, I made myself available just in case as I trusted Him.

As we became closer; he became more open and began acting differently. Differently in a way that made me question his sexuality. I can be rather blunt; so I asked him if he was struggling with his sexuality. He stated that he was not… that he was all man… that he did not have any struggles… that he was perfect… that he was an angel in my presence. So, I asked again and demanded that he be honest with me. Honesty allows help to be obtained if needed. If he came out as gay to me; I would not have been upset. We were in Atlanta; and quite frankly it was normal. If I were to marry a man who confessed that he was heterosexual but cheated on me with a man; I’d be pissed! Anywho, he assured me that he was not gay, that he thought that being gay was funny, and that he was not the average guy.

Being gay is funny? I was greatly offended by those words. “Being gay is not funny! I don’t understand how you can call yourself a Christian and find what God detests (the lifestyle not the person) as hilarious. Some of these people are literally bound desiring to be set free; whereas others have simply decided to live it out entirely because of lust and/or misconceived love,” I proclaimed. Some of you may not agree with this statement; but it’s Bible and reality. I’ve witnessed those who want to be set free, those that have been set free, and those who have given their lives over to it faithfully.

During the time that my dad passed away and I returned home, he prayed for the strength of myself and family. He even offered to attend the funeral with me though there was a change in plans. He was very supportive during that time; and I greatly appreciated it.

Late one night as I laid in bed; he called me. I answered; and we spoke about the day. About 20 minutes into the conversation; he asked, “How do you feel about celibacy?” “It’s a good thing,” I responded. He then proceeded to enlighten me with the information that he had obtained from an article that he read earlier. Out of nowhere, “Have you ever had anal sex?” He asked. “What? Nooo!” I exclaimed. “Girl, you know you like it in the booty hole!” He shouted and laughed tiredly. I froze. “What did I just hear? Is anal sex his way of not officially having sex; so that he can remain celibate?” I thought. Though I was disgusted; I was turned on at the same time due to the high sex drive.

He continued to talk until I stopped him. I asked him, “Why did you ask me how I felt about celibacy?” He explained that he was celibate, had read an interesting article about reclaiming power through celibacy, and simply wanted personal feedback from me. I was surprised that he was celibate. I was simply abstaining from sex until marriage which is slightly different. I then asked the follow-up question, “Why did you ask the latter question?” I didn’t want to repeat what he had stated but eventually had to as he nearly swore that he didn’t remember. He started laughing again and stated that he didn’t mean anything by it. His excuse of going to an all-boys catholic school where jokes of that nature were made was his release. I ended the conversation afterwards, informed him to never bring up sexual discussions right before I tap out because of my sex drive, and went to sleep an hour later.

The guy invited me to attend the opening of Avengers: Infinity War with him. I cleared my schedule for the afternoon, met him at his apartment, and he drove us to the movies in the midst of traffic. As the particular theater that he wanted to visit was more than 30 minutes away; and traffic was bumper to bumper, we were late. He was disgruntled that we missed the $4 movie and nearly had a panic attack about paying $7 instead! Wtf? I literally had to reason with him on a short walk. “You drove 30 + minutes to get here, wasted gas and time, and you’re ready to leave because of $3 additional??” I insisted that I would pay for my own ticket and that he could pay for his own thus saving him a dollar if he purchased 2 tickets at $4. He considered leaving because of a principle that he held to spend the absolute least on movies. As an actor and/or producer, I personally would love for people to spend more money at the box office. It did not make sense to me as there was less value placed upon it; but maybe he was aware of something that I was not. It actually upset me; because I had men who would not mind spending $18 per ticket for movies in my past. Yes; I voiced the issue loud and clear.

I was absolutely humiliated! He was not my man; more-so a friend, but it was still painful. I held my composure though I felt cold stings run through my hands and heart like ice sitting next to him. My intellect reasoned, “He is not the one. I’m wasting my time even being here. Major distraction.” I was salty through majority of the film and simply wanted to leave. He inquired as to whether I wanted to go hiking the following day; but I declined as it was ladies’ night.

When he sought to discuss the movie; I remained completely quiet this time as I was beyond annoyed. He ordered my tacos, dropped me off, and rushed to pick up a male companion that needed a ride to work. Before I departed the vehicle, with a smirk on his face he asked, “I’m not disappointing you, am I?” I glanced at him, “No, not at all.” I lied; I was deeply disappointed. I had invested my time in something temporary. I wanted to completely end our friendship or whatever this was; but I did not want to hurt him as he revealed that he enjoyed my company and our conversations more than anyone else’s.

One day, he probed into the idea of whether or not I would reciprocate if we were to date. I played dumb and hummed a tune as if I did not hear him; because I was convinced that he was either homosexual or bisexual due to certain actions, conversations, continuous gay jokes, and dick pics from men. He continuously spoke of gay men that hit on him and stated that he was unaware of why they thought that he was gay. I asked if he had shut them down. He responded yes; yet they still had access to him. I personally volunteered to shut it down for him; but it never happened.

I did not desire to wake up one morning to a man who finally comes out of the closet and decides that he wants to be with another man. I honestly do not know if I would be able to bear such. After discussing my concerns with a homosexual colleague, he advised that I listen to my instincts. There was something that he was hiding from me and though I asked; he refused to share. As it was only temporary, I guess that it was a good thing; because he may not have wanted it revealed to the public. It’s beneficial that I cater to partial confidentiality and do not include actual names as a writer.🤣

Our very last face-to-face encounter was prior to Mother’s Day. I spent the night at his place prior to taking my family to the beach the next day. Once again, he was acting differently. He had certain moments when praying aloud that it appeared as though he was talking to himself. This was one of those moments. Not to mock him; but it was hilarious and frightening to witness as I prepared dinner. He resembled a child playing happily with an imaginary friend. We talked for a moment; and I read to him. I did not sleep well that night; however, it was a major battle. The next morning, he prayed for my safe travels and adventures. I hugged him for the last time, thanked him everything, and said goodbye. Little did I know that we would never see each other again anytime soon.

He attempted to speak with me while I was on vacation; however, I was slightly tied up each time with the family. When I returned his calls, there was no answer. Upon my return to Atlanta, I was informed that he had departed to his hometown to visit his family for the rest of the month. I did not hear from him for nearly a week; and it was actually a relief. I was able to focus, pray, read, and seek guidance. I realized that he was a major distraction for me as are most men sadly. I extended a lot of my personal time and attention to him. In a way as mentioned previously, I lost myself… in him; and he was not even the man for me.

He dialed me up after nearly a week and yelled in my ear, “Victoria, I miss you!! Do you miss me?” “Mmmhmm, yea right” I mumbled. “I do! You don’t miss me?”  “I’ve actually been doing quite well since you left; and I’m finally studying again. But maybe just a little,” I laughed. He jokingly criticized me for being rude and disregarding his feelings. I laughed again. “When are we going to make this official?” He asked. “Make what official? What did God tell you?” I inquired. “He said that you’re my future wife,” he stated. “Did He really say that?” I asked. “Yes, you’re my future wife!” He jokingly proclaimed. I responded, “Guard your heart!”

To this day, I think that he was and is full of -ish. We conversed for a moment before I informed him that I would be relocating within two weeks as I’d found a new home. He had the audacity to tell me, “I need my ring before you go.” “Your ring?” I laughed, “What kind of ring, a promise ring?” “Yep,” he stated. This was a very backwards and awkward conversation. Did I become a man or something? Wtf?

The next day, I decided to write him a letter that would include things that he could improve on if he was truly interested in marrying and/or dating someone soon (not me). He called me as I was writing it; so I ceased. It then became a very open conversation whereas each concern was addressed verbally. He laughed about it and slightly defended himself from different angles which was fine. After the conversation, I did not see a need for the letter; as we had discussed it via phone. He insisted that I complete the letter the following day so that he could keep is as memorandum. Though it seemed odd; I honored his request and finished prior to midnight.

Upon receipt of the list of improvements which had expanded from the original as he requested the feedback; he read through it and went off on me via text. There was a 10 – 15 piece thread of insults and justifications. I was absolutely shocked and appalled! How could you ask me to do something specifically for you that had been previously discussed and get mad about it? I allowed him to express his anger and emotion through text; as he did not have the balls to speak via phone. After all of it, I texted back, “Thank you and goodnight.” I probably should have had a male confidant to read over it prior to sending it as it may have been diminished if needed.

As I cherished him as a friend and valued him; I extended an apology letter asking for forgiveness. He responded in separate messages, “I love you… Find your purpose and passion again; and it will provide clarity.” My response, “Lov yha too… Yes Sir.”

Nearly two months later, I allowed my brother to view the letter and provide feedback. According to him, I delivered a “This Ain’t Meant to Be” letter disguised as a list of improvements, destroyed the guy’s manhood, and sent him into depression that would take a long period of time to heal from. Wow! I felt very sympathetic after receiving the insight. The main goal was to provide encouragement, slight humor, instruction, and praise; but it was not received as such; more-so the very opposite.

We no longer conversed by phone. The very last text was on the day following my relocation. I was in the midst of unpacking for the new journey ahead. He sent me his new headshots which were beautifully taken and handsome. Within hours, he texted something ridiculous. I jokingly labeled him Bipolar. Apparently, he was offended and asked me to explain my reasoning. I replied, “We can be cool one minute and you’re going off on me the next.” He was not happy with my response. He justified himself as well as his actions and finally reacted, “It was nice meeting you and God bless.” I followed suit, blocked his number, and deleted his messages and pictures.

Do I miss him? Occasionally, yes. I miss hanging out with him; but since we are in two separate states as of now; it would be extremely difficult even if we were communicating. I miss the sound of his captivating voice and accent that provided comfort and sometimes even his thought-provoking questions. Spoken word at Apache Café was a goal that we never achieved; yet it was the location in which the initial dream was held. What I do not miss is his sarcasm, haughtiness, gossip, annoying questions, penny-pinching, lack of affection, mix of emotions, esteem issues, gay jokes, falsehood, and opposing beliefs. I’m convinced that he has a list of pros and cons for me as well since he did decide to go off on me via text. I would share a few; but I deleted them all. I simply remember 4 negatives that included: small-minded, judgmental, projecting, and that I have no right to share opinions nor assumptions because of my current state. The pros were that he valued me as a person, our friendship, conversations, and hearing me speak, read, and recite poetry.

Reflection:

I have no regrets for utilizing BlackPeopleMeet.Com. It was a short-lived experience for me, 5 days only, and provided entertainment as well as a momentary friendship in the perfect season. As time progresses, I’m sure that the website will be updated as well as made clutter-free and less overwhelming.  

Pertaining to the only guy that I chose to actually meet, there are no regrets either within those 3 months. He found me in a season that his presence was needed. I appreciated him, his personality, his voice 😊, his prayers, his patience, and his support. We each play vital roles within our lifetime like that of actors and actresses. He patiently walked with me through a transitional period where I was purely broken. Though we held opposing views and beliefs; we were still able to hold logical discussions and entertain each other. At times, he was an arrogant ass; yet I was able to listen, be patient, and provide feedback. I made myself available to him even when he was ill and provided cough drops, juice, and candy at his request. We each contributed and took away.

I recognized that men are a major distraction for me. I had a prayer life and studied before he walked into my life. When he came forth, it diminished greatly as I was no longer focused on it. I was interested in being there as a friend for him. I literally told this guy that I trusted him (though not entirely) as I wanted to encourage him to lead if he was the one. I did not explain to him exactly what I meant; however, because if it was meant to be I expected God to confirm it with him.

I ultimately lost focus. A working actor was in my presence; one of which I could have obtained much knowledge from. It was a missed opportunity indeed. Though I was unable to ignite the fire within me to act in Atlanta, the information and wisdom would have been most beneficial for me from someone taking leaps. The crazy thing is that the fire returned; and I began improv within 2 days following the relocation.

Where was God in this? He provided protection for each of us in our curiosity. He allowed us to see ourselves, our faults, our weaknesses, our strengths… He allowed us to experience the love of a friend on a lower level; as I cannot say that it was unconditional since it’s over. He allowed forgiveness though it may take time. He is the healer, deliverer, author, and finisher of our faith. I am most thankful and grateful for His unfailing love, forgiveness, lessons, and light.

Will I be utilizing dating sites anytime soon? Probably not. 😂 This memory shall last a lifetime.

Disclosure: I write from experience. I write to release and exhale as it provides the healing and deliverance that I need. True, God is my deliverer; but the method that He uses to deliver me sometimes come through writing, acting, and revelation. I was instructed to write; so I did. I beat myself up internally though I remained strong on the exterior. This experience is not to bash nor gossip but simply to express. There is a reason that names are not provided.😉 I simply ask that if my stories are utilized in any way that you provide credit where credit is due. Thanks for reading and be blessed.